Virginity is Overrated

I started to like feminism-things since in my 4th semester, when I get a Russian woman’s author of short story in my Literature and Society class. I need to analyze it, I read much about feminism acts in Russia (even not feminism theories) and somehow I like it. As a person, I found so many inequities between women and men in Indonesia. Too many things women can’t do. As a simple example, I’ve got my mom called me slut when I was still studying high school just because arrived home late (like 2 am). It was a concert, and her reason wasn’t logic. She said “women can’t arrive home in this late, what would the neighbors said about you, about us, about our family if they saw you arrived home that late? They will consider you as a wild-slutty girl” while it doesn’t a big deal if men would arrive at home anytime. Logically, I think it doesn’t about slutty or not, it will be much more dangerous for women, to travel alone (or even with another women’s friends) in night in Jakarta. Many criminal accidents happened to women. Many cases that the woman get robbed, raped and killed in a same time, but instead to tell that it is dangerous, why she would told me that it’s slutty to arrive home in middle of the night than its dangerous? That’s just for one example. There are many things society said here about what women don’t, and men do. For those things, I started to like feminism, about women’s conditions especially in Indonesia, about their rights. I followed hot issues about women and until I writing this, I concern about it.

Now lets talks about the title. In this time, in 2011, I still hear very bad society judges about not-virgin women and I am, of course, heard it from my family too. About how my mom and my auntie talked how worthless are not-virgin women, and not-virgin women are exactly sluts. Save your virginity until married is a must, else you will get underestimated by your own husband if he founds you that you’re not a virgin anymore at the first time. At the first time before I learned feminism, I said yes also to them. Nowadays, I am strongly not agreed to them and I absolutely can’t tell it in front of them. I prevent conflicts, and now I’m writing about it now.

Why? Because it’s obviously not equal. They (society, includes my family) tried so hard to save the women’s virginity so that they’re still virgin until they get married, but they didn’t do anything about it to the men. I often read about newspapers headline contained like “90% of junior high schools girls are not virgin anymore” while nobody cares if “90% of junior high schools boys are not virgin anymore” WHY? Just because you will know and feel it if a woman isn’t a virgin anymore, but you can’t see and feel the differences of a not-virgin man? ABSOLUTELY NOT FAIR!

Another thing is, about a man who doesn’t want to marry a not-virgin woman because he considered that the woman is a slut. She done it with another man (or men) before him, and its enough for him to think that she is a bad woman. WHY? For me, it’s very banal to judged whether the woman bad or not JUST from her virginity. Just because she lost her hymen, it means she is a bad person. It’s a shame that most Indonesian men chose to get married with the hymen than the women themselves. They prefer hymen than the quality of the woman herself.

My mom and my auntie also told me about how a man, as your husband, will underestimate me if he found me that I’m not a virgin anymore. Whenever I and my husband get fight, he will say a sentence like “You’re a trash! You’re a crap! You had used by other men before me. Good for you that I finally wanted to marry you!” WHY? If you read all of my explanations above, you must know why. For me, I would rather being single for all my life than married with a man who doesn’t accept me for what I am as a person, not just because I still have the hymen or not; and will be more cruel to married a man who see me as a hymen, not a woman. A woman must can stand and live and survived the world in her own, in case there is no eligible man beside her.

Well, there are many things about gender inequality happened here. This is Indonesia, a developed country where most of its people are uneducated with Islam as the majority religion. Most of the cultures are also sound like supported the patriarchy. With all things above, I’m still thinking, is there anyone who cares about the men’s virginities while you guys here are like really realllllyyyy care about women’s virginities? Don’t they get better reasons about virginity than just a banal-moral crap? God.


2 responses to “Virginity is Overrated

  1. Interesting topic, im indonesian but living abroad most of my life. I do agree with gender equality i believe women should have freedom in sex however i dont know if i agree with you if indonesia is a developed country though i think its very under developed due to lack of education and social securities.

    Virginity is not overrated, lots of women prefer it that way and they may not ready to have sex and plus if you could hold if off longer also avoids the risk of unwanted pregnancy on early age and STD

    So freedom of choice and sex education is important for both men and women

    • frankly, I had doubt whether I should stated Indonesia as ‘developed country’ or under developed one since if its compared by most of African countries, Indonesia must be better BUT thank you for your comment Miss! I should stated as ‘developing country’ instead of developed one. my mistake! 🙂

      for my experience here, it is overrated. all unwanted pregnancies and STDs could be prevent by both women and men instead of just judging women for what they had done, as sex before marriage. its all about choice, for what Ive been writing for, i just hate the stigma given to women while men never have such problems according to society.

      yeah! too bad that sex education here still considered as a vulgar-taboo thing. i heard so many stories about unwanted pregnancies and abortions and even from the close one, and its just so sad that they never heard about what the function of condoms 😦

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